Haven
by kaniele
Summary: When your haven is gone...where's home? M/Z pairing
1. Default Chapter

Haven

Author : Ellie

E-mail: kaniele@eircom.net 

Summary: When your haven's gone where's home?

Pairing : Max/Zack

Archive : my site and whoever wants it

Feedback?

They said I was the ultimate fighting machine. I couldn't be stopped. If anyone came up against me, they would be sorry. They told the truth. I could hit harder, run faster, jump higher than most of the seven billion people walking on this poor excuse for a planet. But when they said that they were talking about my body. 

My heart, that's just as fragile as any normal human. No matter how much sarcasm I inject into a conversation it still wouldn't hide the fact my heart is breaking. I hate this, I hate that every night I cry myself not to sleep because I don't sleep but to even more pain. I want it to stop but it doesn't stop it never stops. 

Logan tries to help but he's in love with me so whatever he does he does for his own selfish reasons. I don't blame him, it's normal. It won't bring him back, it never will. 

Zack...

Come back to me. I need you. Make this stop.

***********************

One year previous. 

"It's starting to rain." 

"Yeah?"

"You want to crash here." 

"Nah, it's okay. I like riding my baby in the rain." 

"You and that damn bike, how many times do I have to tell you it's just a machine."

"No it's part of me. You just don't get it." 

"Well then explain it to me boo."

"Ok" I say sitting in front of cindy, straddling the chair. "It's like, when I got on that bike, I'm free. The wind whips through my hair, the faster I go the harder it is for anyone to catch me. It's heaven." 

"Damn girl, sounds like you're talking about sex." 

"Believe me, sex ain't that good" 

"Well, maybe you're doin' it wrong." 

"I'm sure, catch you later." 

"Later Boo."

I planned on heading home straight from Cindy's but something stopped me. 

Logan....I wanted to see him, I didn't know why but I did. So I went there and was bowled over as soon as I saw what was waiting for me. Zack... 

"Zack." I ran into his arms as soon as I saw him. He tensed. Still wasn't cool with the phoney sentamentality but I didn't care. Zack was back. I didn't care why. The one thing that was familier to me, that made me feel safe walked back into my life. 

"Ahem" 

I broke away from Zack's embrace. Logan sat in his chair, by the computer as always. He looked uncomfortable but then so did Zack. 

"So.." I walked away from Zack and sat near Logan. 

"Why are you back?" 

"Lydecker." 

"What about him?"

"He's out there." 

"He's always out there."

"I know, I just finished checking up on the others and you're my last stop." 

"Oh..so it's an obligation kind of thing." 

"I'm supposed to look out for you remember?" 

"So where you staying?" I changed the subject. 

"Logan kindly offered to put me up." I turned to Logan. 

"Very generous." 

"I do my bit." 

"Yeah" I said "Thanks. Well, I guess I'll leave you boys to it."

"Max..wait" 

"No it's okay, we'll talk about the others in the morning. You can tell me how they are." 

"Okay" 

I got out of there as fast as I could. I couldn't let him know. I couldn't let Zack know that I loved him. I don't know how it happened. All my life I thought of him as a brother. It was easy I guess, I mean I had no clue what he was like, looks or otherwise. 

Then he found me. I hugged him and felt safe. It felt like all was going to be okay, I had somebody who knew what it was like to be me, to be on the run. It felt good. 

I found my haven. Then he left. I felt like a child who'd been forced to give up their security blanket. I felt empty. Logan helped. He knew what it was like to lose part of you. He's supposed to. He's my best friend. 

Zack came in and out of my life and each time it got harder to say goodbye and harder to stay away from him. Once he came back when I was in heat. 

God was that hard. I felt like there was something crawling, I needed him. But he's Zack, He would never take advantage of me. He's all noble and honourable and there's the little thing of him thinking of me as his sister. 

So there I was the same way I always am when he comes back. Sitting on top of the space needle, trying to work things out. Trying to decide what I'm going to do. And as usual I just don't know. 

I really don't.


	2. chapter 2

Haven

Author: Ellie

E-mail: kaniele@eircom.net 

Summary: When your haven's gone where's home?

Pairing: Max/Zack

Feedback?

The nights are the worst. Ever since it happened. I used to love them; it was night when I could really come alive. Now I can't. Now at night, I die. 

When Zack came back at first, it was great. I couldn't understand it. He never stayed long with any of us. We both ended up working for Eyes Only. Every time I saw him I thought it was going to be my last. It was always that way. Zack was the leader; he took care of all of us. He never stayed long in one place. "Risks Tactical Exposure" he used to say. So I couldn't figure it out when he stayed with me. I never brought it up, was always afraid of what he might say. 

**Flashback**

"Over there"

"I see him, damn the guy's ugly"

In the shadows I could make out Zack's face. I saw him smile slightly before he got back into "command mode." 

"Let's move." 

I got up and stretched my legs, squatting down for a good half hour did nothing for your knees, genetically modified or not. 

"Logan said he wanted this guy alive right?"

"Yeah"

"Shame." Now it was my turn to smile. Zack didn't joke often. At least I thought it was a joke. We snuck up to the dilapidated warehouse. 

Michael Fraser, all round bad guy guilty of gun running, money laundering and the rape and murder of two sixteen-year-old girls. He was going down. I wondered why we couldn't finish him off. Logan assured me he would get what he deserved when I made my concerns known.

"How's the security on your side?" Zack's voice cut through my thoughts. 

"Two guys" I replied. "And they're packing." I turned to Zack. "Shouldn't be a problem." 

"I have no doubt. I got three and the scumbag. You take care of yours...Quietly." 

"Always am."

"Then come back and we can take out the others together." 

"What's the matter? Afraid they might take you?" 

Zack gave me a warning look and I took it as my cue to shut it and get on with it. 

"This will just take a minute." I said as I quietly snuck up on the two guys. Despite the fact that they looked like ex-quarter backs, they didn't or rather couldn't put up much of a fight. 

A couple of roundhouse kicks and a strong elbow into the jaw and they went down with a satisfying crack as they hit the concrete. I sighed contentedly as I retraced my steps and once again squatted next to Zack. My knees were not happy. 

"Nice moves." 

"Thanks. You ready?" 

"Let's go." And then it was just like old times. We jumped the guys and working together fluidly as if we had a link we took the bastards down. Breathing heavily I looked over at Zack and smiled. 

"Mission accomplished." I said tightening my grip on the scumbag, who now didn't look as powerful as he did five minutes ago. 

"I hate ones who whine." I said with disgust and half shoved, half threw him over to Zack who caught him and dragged him to the car. 

"Where's the drop off point?" 

"South side." 

"Let's go." 

After meeting up with one of Eyes Only's operatives, we headed back to Logans. We traveled in silence, but it was comfortable, not strained. The air of a job well done circulated and made me feel content. It was strange, I rarely felt content except in Zack's company. Even when he was on my back about leaving Seattle, I still felt like I was home. Now it seemed he was the one who had a hard time leaving. I was blind, never realized why. 

Zack parked the car across the street from Logan's and got out without saying a word. He waited and we crossed the street together. 

"Honey, I'm home!" I called out as I entered Logan's apartment. There was a mirror directly across from the door and as I looked in it, I saw something that unsettled me. Zack had entered behind me when I called out and I swear it was like thunder had settled directly over him. 

His face was dark with what seemed like anger. It was only there for a second, before he wiped it off. But I remember as he did that, a flicker of pain crossed his eyes. He looked so vulnerable. It wasn't the Zack I knew. It unsettled me so much, I couldn't figure out why. 

For a while I believed I just imagined it, then I put it down to the fact that Zack didn't approve of my friendship with Logan. He probably believed it would grow deeper thus making it harder for me to leave in the future. I said to myself that it wasn't pain that flickered in his eyes, but frustration at one of his charges. 

"Hey" Logan wheeled himself out into the hall. 

"I take it by that jaunty" I raised my eyebrows. "Tone that it was a job well done." 

"Easy as pie." I replied. Zack just stood off to one side his arms crossed watching our exchange like a hawk. 

"Soldier boy didn't do too badly. Speaking of pie?" 

"There's food in the fridge. Help yourself. Listen, could we talk about this in the morning? The new meds the doctor's have me on aren't making me feel too well. I need to sleep." 

"Okay," I said worriedly. "But isn't medicine supposed to make you better?" 

"It just takes a while for my body to adjust. It's stronger than other meds I've had prescribed to me. Doctors said I should feel better in a couple of days."

"All right, sleep well." 

"Thanks, oh by the way. It's late if you want you can crash here." 

"Thanks." 

"Goodnight. Zack" 

"Logan." I watched as Logan entered his bedroom and as soon as I heard the door close I turned to Zack. 

"What's with you?" 

"Nothing." 

"Well are you just going to stand there all night or do you wanna chow?" Zack pushed his hands against the wall he was leaning against and followed me into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and began pulling things out at random.

"Chicken?" 

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes as I closed the fridge door. It bugged me when Zack got this way. He sat down at the counter and watched silently as I threw some pieces of bread together and stuffed it with chicken and tomatoes. I made him one too. I put it on a plate and handed it to him. 

As he took it, his other hand grabbed mine. I looked into his eyes, shocked. 

"Can we talk?" He said urgently. 

"Sure" I said my voice barely a whisper. He let go of my hand and stood up. He walked into the lounge and I followed. 

What's all this about?' I thought.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Zack walked to the window and peered out as if there was something there that needed his full attention.

For once I sat and waited patiently. I had a feeling not to push it. The minutes ticked on and my nerves were reaching breaking point…

"I need to go"

"What?" I jolted and looked up. Zack was leaning against the window; his arms were folded and he was staring intensely at me. It made me uncomfortable yet I had no idea why.

"It's time I left."

My heart jumped in my breast and I shook. "Why?"

"I've been here too long."

"You mean you're going to check up on the others and come back right?"

"No" His tone was so final, It hurt me to think I'd have to watch him go.

"Why?"

"I'm…too attached. My feelings for…" He stopped and I stood. I crossed and looked deep into his eyes.

"Zack? Your feelings for?"

"Just someone I've been seeing?"

"Seeing?"

"Yeah practically every day." He looked at me with a look, a look it took me a long time to figure out. The look that said "Come on Maxie, you know." I had wrapped myself in a protective blanket when it came to Zack. I knew if I unwrapped it I'd let my feelings rush out and I'd lose control. I stood and looked at him. The intensity in his eyes scared me. My heart was thumping so hard I thought it would break out of my chest like that hokey alien movie from the last century. I needed to go.

"Fine" I shrugged my shoulders as I embraced my tough bitch persona.

"Max…"

I turned keeping my voice and stature light. "Yeah?"

"I'll see ya."

"Sure..."

The thing was I knew he was talking about me. Of course! How could I not know! It was obvious, the looks, the not so innocent hugs when a mission would go right were warmly received, his grip on my body tightening a little more each time.

I let it happen because I wanted it. I pretended at first that my feelings for him were nothing but good old sisterly love for a big brother. But he was never family, even when we were kids.

There was always something different. Something special, deep and sexual, a feeling I crave for every moment of my sorry life. I thought for so long that if I told him he would leave so I stayed quiet. Even when his feelings for me deepened so much they spilled over into his looks and attitude, I shut up.

Looking back, I wished I had crossed that room and took his face in my hands. Stroked the hair from his forehead and touched his lips with mine. I've thought about that moment for so long that I can almost feel his breath on my face, the beating of his heart against my breast because we are standing so close, connected. I kiss him lightly first then deeper until he parts his lips and the passion reaches fever pitch and he takes over. I feel safe, wanted and loved.

Now I'm alone. I don't know where he is but he won't come back anyway.

Why the fuck would he?

I ruined everything and now I'm alone.

God Zack, where are you?


	4. Chapter 4

This is a little teaser chapter, short and sweet. The next chapter will be epic, I promise, flashbacks and explanations galore!

* * *

I don't sleep.

I can try and convince myself that it's the melting pot of predator DNA running through my veins that keeps me watchful and awake night after night. It's a lie. It's always been a lie.

First it was Jondy, wracking my brains for new plans and ways to track her. We were the same, we were taught the same. I should have been able to track her, find my sister, my other half, and take her in my arms.

Then it was Tinga. Thoughts of her kept me awake for weeks. Thoghts of her life, her beautiful normal life, working in a bakery, coming home dusty and tired to a faithful man and beautiful child.

A normal life for an abnormal girl. It couldn't have lasted. That's what I told myself. She was an idiot for trying. My stomach clenches as I remember her eyes as she was led away, watching her husband hold her child, knowing it will be the last time she sees them.

No, she should have tried. We were born. We may have been mixed in a test tube with an unknown father and a mother paid off but we were born, we matured in a safe, peaceful womb before we were ripped from any life resembling normal. It was our duty to reclaim that life. We made that decision as children that cold night we escaped Manticore. We scattered so we would have the best chance of survival and we made it our duty. Others like Zack were too imbedded in the teachings of duty and protection and made it their lives work to ensure our survival while sacrificing any chance for themselves.

Zack...

It always comes back to Zack. My reason for not sleeping, my reason for keeping myself occupied and my reason for failing miserably. Was this the way it would always be? I signed up for this...right? He tried, He put aside everything he was taught, everything that came as natural as breathing to him and he tried normal. He just tried it with me and I ruined it. God how pathetic...what happened to "girls kick ass, says so on a tee-shirt." When did I become this pathetic girl mooning over a guy. He wanted me and I ran. There I said it. I ran and when I finally came to my senses, when Logan finally tracked me down and rammed his wheelchair into my knees causing them to buckle did it hit me, the realisation of what I had done, what I wanted, who I loved only then did my knees really go from under me. My legs drove me harder and faster than I thought humanly (modified or otherwise) possible as my heart pumped so fast thumping against my chest so violently I was convinced it would break my bones but I ran. I kept running but this time I was running towards something.

It would be okay, he would take me back. He would take me back and it would all be okay.

Fairytales.

They have a lot to answer for...


End file.
